I want to talk about Jordan. My cat.
He’s gone. Yesterday morning I awoke to the news that he had passed away. I knew something had been wrong for a while, he’d been withdrawing to the closet for months, and then he had lost a lot of weight. But I’m a horrible mommy and I didn’t take him to the vet. So in addition to sorrow, I’m wallowing in guilt.
I loved Jordan. I didn’t realize how much until he died. I knew I loved him the first few years, I thought of him as my son. But then the kids came, and I didn’t have the time or emotional energy to give him the attention he deserved.
He was a great cat. The best. I know everyone probably thinks that of their cat, but it was true of Jordan. He was so gentle, so loving, always there for me. How many times did I cry over something while petting him to make me feel better?
It’s been two days, it hasn’t been real. I still expect him to come back. I hear his meows, see his little face, such an innocent face, so trusting. And I failed him.
I’ve been crying off and on for two days. He was part of the family, we are so incomplete without him. And I’ve been thinking about all the things that made him special. How Mike could throw him out in the air and catch him again, and he wouldn’t even put his claws out – he trusted Mike would catch him. How he licked our noses when he wanted to be put down. How he loved to play bite – which thinking about it, he hadn’t done for a while. How he’d lie on Mike’s chest the moment Mike lied down anywhere. How he’d listen for us and come to the door when we were coming home.
Oh, Jordan. I am so sorry I wasn’t a better mommy. I’m so sad that you died. I can’t conceive it yet it’s reality. I miss you.

1 Comment

  1. jg

    Sorry about your cat. I am sure you were a good Mommy to him.
    It did remind me of how neglecful I can be with my geriatric dog and cat. Poor old dog clearly has arthritis, and both are over due for vet visits.
    Jordan sounds like my cat, he can be held upside down, tormented by toddlers, and never bares a claw

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